While I can’t share details just yet, currently, I am in a season of waiting. My patience is being tested. My faith is being tested. I am just waiting.
When I first received the confusing news, my response was emotional – an outpouring of emotions and feelings of not understanding what is going on. “Why is this happening, God?” But then, very soon afterwards, I was reminded of my faith, when someone said to me, “You are a woman of big faith.” It stuck with me, and encouraged me to keep it up, and keep going. Keep the faith. Remember your faith. And it’s been weeks. I have stayed, mostly, on a faithful high point – A belief that God will take care of this. He loves me, and I can trust Him. “I am a woman of big faith.”
But still there are times, when my faith has wavered…. it grows thin. The voices on the outside cause me to doubt, to think negatively, and expect a negative outcome. I’m analyzing like I do. I’m researching. I’m trying to be realistic. I’m searching out possiblities. I’m trying to stay full of faith, to keep my faith levels up, but some days it’s hard. All of these feelings and emotions running wild in my head. My faith needs to stay steady and in wait for God’s move. Sometimes that means, keeping silent and just being still.
“I am a woman of big faith,” I keep reminding myself. I refill those reserves where my faith was trying to escape me. I am thinking positively and knowing that this is all a part of God plan. God has a purpose for all of this. He is growing me through it. I am learning to trust Him even more. Trusting, though I cannot see. Trusting though the outcome is unclear to me. Trusting and waiting. Waiting and trusting. “I am a woman of big faith.”
I am reminded of a sermon preached early in our marriage about “holding patterns”. I love how the words of pastors and sermons, even from the past, come to our minds and our reserves just when we need them.
You know I like to give definitions, so I looked this one up for you too…
holding pattern – the flight path maintained by an aircraft awaiting permission to land; a state or period of no progress or change
So basically, a holding pattern is a visual for a plane that has arrived at it’s destination, but is waiting for the signal that it is safe to land the plane at the airport. The plane keeps flighing around the airport in a “holding pattern” until they receive this signal to move.
So I am in a holding pattern, a season of waiting. I feel like I am right there at my destination, but I am having to wait. Just keep moving. Keep living. Keep up my faith. And wait for God to give me the signal that all is okay, and I can move forward.
“When it appears from earth that God is delaying, He is really putting pieces together that you may not have thought of. He is engineering circumstances so that his power and glory will be on display. When God builds a waiting period into the course of our affairs, it means that what He is doing, requires it! His apparent, delays are loving, purposeful, & deliberate! -Jennifer Kennedy Dean, “Live a Praying Life”
Don’t waste the “waiting time” in your life. God builds beautiful, useful things in the person who redeems the waiting time.
-Kari Denker, The Promises Advent Study
So that’s what I am doing. I am keeping still, silent, and waiting. I am growing in patience and growing in faith. I will share with you more details when God tells me it’s safe to land this plane. When I receive word from my “control tower” that it’s time to move forward with this. Until then, be praying with me that God will do his thing. And here are some scriptures I am clinging to…. perhaps they will be helpful to you if you are in your own season of waiting.
“The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.” – Proverbs 17:27
“a time to be silent, and a time to speak” – Ecclesiastes 3:7
“The Lord will fight for you while you keep still.” -Exodus 14:14
“Be still, and know that I am God!” -Psalm 46:10
“God is our refuge and strength, a great help in times of distress. Therefore we will not be frightened when the earth roars, when the mountains shake in the depths of the seas, when its waters roar and rage, when the mountains tremble despite their pride. Look! There is a river whose streams make the city of God rejoice, even the Holy Place of the Most High. Since God is in her midst, she will not be shaken. God will help her at the break of dawn. The nations roared; the kingdoms were shaken. His voice boomed; the earth melts. The Lord of the heavenly armies is with us; our refuge is the God of Jacob.” -Psalm 46:1-7
“Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes!” -1 Samuel 12:16
“Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.”
“Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.”
“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” -Isaiah 40:31
“Rejoice in hope. Be patient in tribulation, be contant in prayer.”
“And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:7